Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Mom said you looked used
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
