I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
