I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
