Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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