Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
