I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
