is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
