Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
