OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My balls are so social today.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
