I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
