So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
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