She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
