i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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