Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
