just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
