She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
