I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your cock deserves a montage
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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