I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
