new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
