so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
