i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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