shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
