the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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