Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
