do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
