Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
