Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
sarcasm needs its own font
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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