I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
