Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
