I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
