Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
