he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
