Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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