Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
