remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
