I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
