White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
