Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
