I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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