I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
