Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
