I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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