I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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