Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
