probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
