just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
