apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
