I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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