I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
