Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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