Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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