hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
